Agony

In that red blooded

Disappoinment

When I wrote my mind

I had only one thing in my mind

Losses Losses and Losses

I am tired

Tired of future unpredictable

And Past of carelessness

A future which is not in my control

I am tired of past which reflects ,

My foolishness

My joblessness

My frustration all comes out

Of my anguish against my

My mistakes of what I do

And who I am

And why I am like that

I am not sure

But I love myself

More than

Anyone else

And my happiness

I have to buy it

I can’t buy it

Because

I earn just this little

To satisfy the creator

Or keep my mind closed

My mouth closed

My eyes closed

And my ears

Closed

I have to choose either of the two

My blood speaks

Reality

I don’t have

My mind speaking

I am a dead man walking

With no thought

What so ever

My mind is white

And plain as sheet

Of cotton

On which any ink poured will be

Absorbed by fate

My words

My words aren’t mine

They are just an outcome

Of a careless soul hurt

After silliest mistakes

That reshape my mind

My  mind my mind and my mind

Isn’t mine it belongs to a

Creator I stop believing in

Why is what I ask

Why is it that I am

Who I am

Am I entitled to this

Pain, I have in my head

And my heart

My organs release a smoke

Of blooded faithlessness

And carelessness

When I stop caring for anyone

Or anyone for that matter

Why is what I ask

Why, why why?

Why I can’t buy that

Cruel reality

And convert it into

A truth I dream of

A suppressed soul

I am, fighting fate

Let’s just hope,

I kill that ache in

My head

That frustration in my

Voice

And keep dreaming

My truth isn’t cheap

And reality is harsh

So that one day

I am rich enough

To end my frustration

Kill those flames inside

Correct my foolishness

And above them all

To shatter that

Unending AGONY